NZ, We Are Failing Our Mothers And Children

MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH IS A COLLECTIVE RESPONSIBILITY.

Mums, you have not failed. The system has failed you. If you find motherhood hard, you are not alone. In New Zealand, it is estimated, up to 50% of parents experience perinatal distress.  This statistic is staggering.

This is a failure of the social system in which we live.

The primary indicator of child health and well-being is maternal mental health. This means one of the most important factors contributing to the health and well-being of our tamariki is a mother’s well-being. A mother’s well-being is paramount. In pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond.

Yet our society is not set up to support mothers’ mental health and well-being. 

 These high rates of perinatal distress indicate collective maternal distress. These high rates of perinatal distress suggest it’s the conditions in which we are mothering that are flawed. It doesn’t have to be this way, but we need collective change. We know the vital role a mother’s well-being plays in the well-being of our children, and we need systemic change to address this complex issue.

This is a collective responsibility.

WHY ARE RATES OF PERINATAL DISTRESS SO HIGH IN NEW ZEALAND?

Here are just three of many reasons:

1. THERE IS LITTLE AWARENESS AND EDUCATION ABOUT MATRESCENCE.

Matrescence is a developmental process that explains the transition women go through as they become mothers and the changes they continue to experience as mothers across this lifespan.  There is also a process called patrescence to describe fathers’ and partners journeys.

This transition is not just biological, related to growing, birthing and feeding of a baby – which are huge on their own. This transition affects all areas of a mother’s life – changes to her body, her brain, her identity, her relationships, her career, her sleep, and the list goes on.

Matresence can be likened to adolescence because it’s a similar process. A time of changing hormones and identity, where extra support, care, and rest is provided.

Where is this support, care, and opportunity for rest for our mothers?

How does this process of Matrescence contribute to perinatal distress?

Because women go through this huge upheaval in their lives when they become mothers. This process is the most transformative experience most women will go through, and it is largely unexpected AND unknown. People have very little understanding of this process, and it has a name, matrescence. When having a baby, we all expect a birthing person’s belly to grow, and for parents to lose a lot of sleep with a newborn, but we don’t expect all the other changes to parents’ lives,  which have significant impacts on parental well-being and thus a child’s wellbeing.

2. A SECOND REASON RATES OF PERINATAL DISTRESS ARE SO HIGH IS THE THAT OUR SOCIETY IS NOT SET UP TO SUPPORT MOTHERS THROUGH THIS DEVELOPMENTAL PHASE.

This process is not acknowledged by our society and in NZ maternal mental health services are unfunded and under-resourced with huge waitlists. It’s not good enough.

Our mothers deserve better, all parents deserve better, and our children deserve better.

It is complex and there is so much that contributes to this, but a few examples of how our society is failing at supporting maternal mental health include:

• Women being kicked out of hospitals and birthing centres hours – days after birth.
• Lack of support for mothers re-entering the workforce (part-time positions, flexible hours)
• The cost of childcare
• Access to fully funded resources and support for maternal and infant wellbeing
• Paid parental leave for just one parent
• Minimal funding for treatment of birth injuries, birth trauma, and perinatal distress

Then there’s the social construction of motherhood working against mothers.

As a society and culture, we hold and pass along beliefs and messages about what it means to be a good mother that is UNHELPFUL & UNREALISTIC to achieve in this modern world. Things such as:

·         Good mothers love all parts of motherhood

·         Good mothers know instinctively what to do

·         Good mothers don’t need help

This is not even the tip of the iceberg in terms of conversations around the way mothers are set up to ‘fail’.

Mothers, primary carers, and parents, are expected to do the work of an entire village.

3.   A THIRD, BUT NOT FINAL REASON OUR RATES OF PERINATAL DISTRESS ARE HIGH IN NZ IS THAT WE DON’T HAVE OUR VILLAGES.

You’ve heard this before. Because it is true. We have not evolved to parent and raise children in nuclear families. Our babies are uniquely dependent on us compared with other mammals. The demands of their care, particularly in this modern world are too much for one person or one couple. Yet, we tend to live away from our extended whanau and in our own homes.

Missing our village is not just about practical support for childcare, domestic duties, and paying mortgages it’s about being able to utilise the passing down of wisdom from elders, it’s about having support before we burnout, it’s about connection.

This is a collective responsibility.

Beth Berry states…

“The fact that so many mothers experience high levels of anxiety, loneliness, overwhelm and stress on a daily basis is not simply par for the course when we sign up for this journey. It’s a red flag of collective maternal distress. It’s evidence that something’s wrong with the circumstances within which we are mothering.”

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS?

Many individuals, make up a collective. As individuals we can resist cultural norms that don’t serve us, we can support mothers and parents and leave judgement behind, and we can talk about matrescence. We can move towards value-aligned parenting where we parent in ways that align with our values and not the myths and expectations of others. We can listen to our intuition and do what’s best for ourselves and our family. What works for us, won’t work for others, and that’s okay because we’re not living for others, we’re living for ourselves.

Mothers. We hear you; we see you; we support you.

By Christina Bond | Psychologist, Matrescence NZ

To find out more about how we Matrescence NZ can help support mothers, and access our free resources visit: www.matrescence.nz

Links below to resources and places to help you if you, or know anyone that may be experiencing signs of Perinatal distress:

https://www.mothershelpers.co.nz/

https://pada.nz/

https://pada.nz/national-helplines/

https://pada.nz/screening-tools/